I answered this Question on Quora.
Once you have committed true Evil you can never return to the same state of mind that you were subject to before the act of Evil. For example if you know a child is being abused and you have nothing to stop that child being abused or you are the abuser you have in effect taken away a life. Your act of Evil will haunt you forever and you will become even more Evil in order to suppress your guilt.
The life of that child will never be the same once his or her innocence has been taken away and his or her trust of mankind destroyed. I use the example of child abuse because here in the U.K it is ‘out of control’ and has been accepted by the People of the U.K as a manifestation of modern society.
Apathy too is an Evil. Perhaps the worst of all. We must never let Evil do its worst and watch with selfish pleasure. We must defend those who are weak, protect those who are vulnerable and seek Penalty for those who seek to do Evil unto others.
Once the act of Evil is committed you in effect will spend the rest of your life trying to ignore your guilt and watching over your shoulder – which is why Evil people are never happy. They also seek to justify their Evil by drawing in as many innocent people as possible to also become Evil – hence the Cults of Evil that exist.
In your case God will say ‘What of those whose lives you have destroyed. They are destroyed for evermore’. So Hell will be God’s reward for you. Once an Evil act is done it cannot be undone. Hell is an eternity of Pain. Just as the pain of an Innocent lost will never leave an abused child the Pain of Hell will never leave those who seek Evil as their companion.
However, you can ensure that you bring a form of Peace to your tormented mind by seeking to do good wherever possible and by defending those who are unable to protect themselves from Evil. Maybe God will judge you with compassion.
If your question is asking I am Evil how do I become good then only you can answer by deed.
When you do something good even as simple as helping an elderly lady across the road the feeling of goodwill and respect is instant. It stays with you and helps you to justify your place in the World. When you commit an act of Evil its pleasure is selfish. It cannot be written about, sang about or used to further humanity – It sits alone. As you do too. For those who are Evil have to buy their friends.
One day you will be on your deathbed knowing God awaits you and you will say ‘Is that what life was all about – me’ ? Whereas should you do acts of good you will know that you have left a legacy to the World – happiness and compassion.
I can laugh at myself and the World as I never seek to commit acts of Evil. My happiness is infectious and has no price. Evil always has to be paid for.
Even though my own Governments have allowed the supression of my writing to better the World I know that I have done everything possible to seek to help those who cannot help themselves. Governments do not last for ever. But my writing and its benefits will. The acts of a Government to suppress an individual who can do good is an act of Evil. As are the acts of Governments who support those who commit acts of inhumanity against their own peoples.
God will allow you to sit on the sidelines as long as you care for your family. But do not impede those who have the ability to improve the lives of others – for that too is an Evil. Seek first to do good for your family and yourself for only then can you do good for others.
Evil people are never happy. They know they have done nothing to make others happy. Their laughter is only at the expense of others.
I find pleasure in the smallest deed of compassion. I wake everyday to the possibility of achievement and the accomplishment of a good deed. Whereas you as Evil will not welcome the day. Only the night where you can hide in its shadow. There is no fulfillment in Evil only the certainty of self-destruction.
Become good and enjoy the moment and the legacy you will provide. Remain Evil and know that the misery you have caused will one day be your own.